Nov. 17th

So, yeah. Our show is possibly canceled. The church said they couldn't let us put on a show there because of a Jesus Wept show they had there once where stuff got broken or something like that. Hopefully they'll either decide we can play, or we can find somewhere else to have the show at.

Good night!

I'm going to mash your McNuggets

So, last night I slept for 13 hours. I've been so exhausted recently. Yesterday, in particular. I feel tired right now. I'm going to go to bed around 10:30. Hopefully I'll wake rested tomorrow.

Last night I had a headache during youth group. The night before at the worship thing at Jeremy's house I had an even worse headache. When I drove home, the lights from the other cars and such made it hurt a lot more. So much, in fact, that I cried.

Part of being so exhausted is because of Jake. Mostly just having to deal with all of that BS. To put it in an inarticulate manor, I really wanted to punch him in the throat. I didn't, of course. I did the right thing. Although it doesn't bring instant gratification like a kick to the "McNuggets" or a broken nose, I get the satisfaction of knowing that I am not at fault for anything, and that I proved I had what it took (even if what it took wasn't testosterone).

See what I see

Last night I watched Saw 3 for the first time. It was good. Much better than Saw 2. But sadly it still isn't better than the original. I guess that's what makes the first one so great, it was the first. It didn't have anything to measure up to.

Tomorrow is the NFL/NBA (guys and girls activities) things for youth group. I really don't feel like going to the guys thing. Football. Eh. First, I'm not much for football. Second, it has been raining all day today which means it's most likely going to be cold and wet even if it doesn't rain tomorrow. I'll probably go to the worship thing afterwards regardless. Plus I have things I need to do, and that's an extra 5 hours to do them tomorrow if I don't go. On top of that I'm going to be out all day Sunday.

If you didn't already know, which you should. We're playing another show November 17th. The horrible thing is that is the same day as our Pine Valley work day. Of course I want everyone to come, although many of them won't be able to because of that. But to be honest there's only a handful of people who'd I'd be upset if they missed it. Won't say who, but they just seem to really appreciate us and enjoy our musical efforts. For info. on the show go to our myspace.

You're nice.

So, I'm glad I wrote the post before this. This is because it sparked actual conversations with people...even in person. I love that! The only reason why I have this blog is to tell you all about what's going on in my life. I love it when you comment back, and I try to respond to you if I can. But this is beyond that. Talking face to face. Having meaningful conversations. I wish that all my posts where like that, where I'd be with someone and they'd say, "Hey, I was reading your blog today......" Probably number one on my list of things I love is a good engaging conversation. My challenge to you is in addition, or even in stead of comments, talk to me in person or maybe online (or even call me if you feel so led). Talk about what I've been saying is going on in my life, and what's going on in yours.

You're all asinine

This is a post that may offend some readers. I sincerely hope it does. I apologize for my cynicism and nothing more.

I has become increasingly evident that some people think it's a big deal that I like Jordan Harvey. My question to you, if it applies, is: what the hell does it matter to you? Honestly. How does my attraction to Jordan have any affect on you or your life in such a way that you would make it into as big a deal as it seems that many of you are.

The following is a quote taken from my first post written on this blog.

"I feel like those people younger then me put me in a box. A box that is only as big as their own understanding and personal experiences. They don't understand that I don't fit into their box. It's frustrating."

I find that statement true to this day. Is it so hard to grasp the idea of two people of opposite gender, in spite of any attraction there my be, to actively pursue a meaningful friendship without any intentions of anything more than that? It seems apparent that such a concept is outside of many peoples "boxes." The term "thinking outside the box" comes to mind. Maybe you should try it.


"Its just like everyone thinks that you're being an obsessive freak who thinks he has a chance and is trying real hard and that I'm excessively annoyed with you for it...neither parts are true." -Jordan

There you have it folks!


This paragraph is for everyone who thought "He's so obvious, it's pathetic." I never tried to hide anything, so no wonder it was obvious. I never felt ashamed, and therefore never felt the need to hide anything.

I have a hole in my lip

So, yesterday I saw a guy in a banana costume. Interesting...

Tonight I saw Towner The Band live. They were awesome. I really was mad at myself because I forgot my camera. I wanted to take some sweet pictures.

In other news, I'm currently writing lyrics for two new songs. One of which we've written about 3/4 of the music for. The other one we still need to start. Oh, we're also playing a show Nov. 17th at one of the three million churches near the Jr. High. When I know which one I'll let you know. I'm really hoping that we'll get the new song done before then. I'd love to be able to play it.

Pineapples apon pineapples!

Yeah, the title says it all. There's exactly one thing I want to say. But in the interest of public censorship I find it just too uncomfortable for my readers to deal with.

Today's lucky numbers are: 87, 11, 56, 145, 12, 94, 35, 65, 91, 3, 46.

And now for your viewing pleasure...

Halo 3

Yo. Tonight was a social night for our bible study. In other words...Halo. Yeah, I was pretty bored with it until it was just me, Russ, and Brian. None of that online jazz. I actually did good then. Like I was holding my own. So, yeah, I enjoyed that.

I would like reiterate. (excerpt from a past post)

"...I feel almost completely discouraged as well. I feel like my efforts with a certain person are sometimes joyfully welcomed, while later they my seem indifferent towards me. So, yeah, pray that my efforts may be fruitful and that I wouldn't become discouraged."


The original post.

*sigh*

Project 86 - Moltov

They dance all night
And sleep all day
They live for nothing
But this escape

Too bad they can't say at the break of the dawn that the night was a dream
Yet nobody can say at the rise of the sun that it was what it seemed

I know I've swallowed it all
But I could never be full
And now they call me a fool for leaving

Home with you
Alone with you

They drink all night
And ache all day

Too bad they can't say at the break of the dawn that the night was a dream
Yet nobody can say at the rise of the sun that it was what it seemed

I know they've swallowed it all and they could never be full
And now they call me a fool for leaving?

And I could never be sure...

Now I'm leaving
Now I'm leaving

So when all those who are convinced there's nothing but this
Come to us and condescend we know we won't miss emptiness

My current thoughts (part 3)

I want you to be happy.
But then again, my opinion is biased.

Oh Carol...

This post is dedicated to Carol Channing. We all love you Carol.

Ok, so I'm feeling a little comedic at the moment... You can't blame me. Anyway. Don't let this post distract you from other quality posts below.

So, where is everyone?

I've been trying to be more personal with my core group of friends. I want to know them on a deeper level. I've been mostly succeeding at this. I want to spend more time with them as well as talking directly to them (phone, in person, emails, etc). Not only talking, but actually having a good meaningful conversation. Like I said, this is my goal for my core group of friends, but I have another goal within that goal. That second goal is to go even deeper than that with only a few people (2 or 3) from my group of friends. This is, in theory, the core of my core group. Russ is one of those 2 or 3 people and thanks to us both being youth staff now, we're spending a lot of time together, which is awesome and uplifting. Now, on the other hand, I feel almost completely discouraged as well. I feel like my efforts with a certain person are sometimes joyfully welcomed, while later they my seem indifferent towards me. So, yeah, pray that my efforts may be fruitful and that I wouldn't become discouraged. I also want to start "digging deeper" (as Jeremy would say) with Jared too. So, the same goes for that. Prayer that I'd have the time and opportunities I need to do that would be appreciated.

Do you think I'm joking?

I don't write words down on paper and scream them.

I take a deep part of my heart, that very few have seen and express it in the most passionate way I possibly can. I cannot compromise. I cannot forsake my very heart. I will not compromise.

I write songs that tell stories about myself. Stories that I'd be horrified to tell someone face to face. I'm even putting myself in a vulnerable place writing a song about it. I write about secret things: the very things that weigh on my heart.

What am I rambling about? WHAT!


I'm talking about certain song that an alleged band that I am supposedly in is writing. Nate came up with some stuff. The arrangement was for him to show us and the guys would learn it as well as contribute/change it so that it would become a collective effort. My job is to supply lyrics. (Although this may not seem like much, it is a huge responsibility and a challenge.) Now, the problem is that some "people" want the name to be completely non sequitur, in other words it has no meaning connecting it to the song. For me, that is unacceptable. I cannot allow the subject matter for the lyrics I had been toying with to be belittled by such a title. Believe me, this is a song I've been scared to write since day one. I believed that after the success of the last song we wrote, in addition to my own personal growth, that now was the time to face this monster head on. I find myself unable to compromise. It's either my lyrics with my name, or the other name and some generic lyrics I'd probably just pull out of my butt.

And again I find myself saying......

It Tuesday night. 8:50pm. I've been in a talky mood since Saturday night. And I find myself without anyone to talk to. I give up. I'm going to watch TV. Maybe there's something on the Discovery channel. At least Mike Rowe understands me.

My current thoughts (part 2)

Sometimes the way you talk makes me wonder.